Somebody's pSychological Survey

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." Albert Camus

There's a survey making the rounds of the blogosphere. It has absolutely no redeeming social value. But that's part of the fun.

Some harmless self-indulgence. A tiny glimpse into another person's psyche -- in this case, mine.

You know you'll be thinking of your own answers as you read. Please share.

Three names you go by that won't give away your identity: Mom, Honey, Psycho Bitch (but in a nice way).

Three screen names you've had: SmartNFunny, LOSTHoney, VerbalVixon.

Three physical things you like about yourself: my laugh, the right side of my brain, my smart-mouth.

Three physical things you don't like about yourself: my hump, the big wart on my chin and my cackle ... oh wait, that's wrong, I'm a Bitch, not a Witch.

Three parts of your heritage: Jewish. Royalty. What else matters?

Three things you are wearing right now: my wedding ring, my dignity and ... forget it, this is a question aimed at singles.

Three favorite bands/musical artists: Billy Joel, Van Morrison, Bruce. What, like anybody else comes close.

Three favorite songs: Fire, sung by Bruce, the Pointer Sisters or Robin Williams as Elmer Fudd. Crazy (like that's a stretch) by Patsy Cline. And At Last by Etta James. If you haven't guessed, people generally view my music collection with an A Ha! and a What The?? Hey, I'm a Boomer. We have impeccable taste in greatness and schlock.

Three things you want in a relationship: humor, heat, humdrum. Don't knock it til you've laughed, loved and then settled back with a good book or reruns of The West Wing.

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you: Wow. That's a nicely phrased heterosexual question. My answer: Clean lean hands, broad shoulders (physically and metaphysically), and the ability to dance under a Marguerita spell on a beach.

Three of your favorite hobbies: reading, writing, hanging with my best gal pals. No, we don't go to clubs; we're just old enough to prefer sitting around my living room with wine and beer and popcorn and M&M's. And young enough to talk about sex in the kind of detail that would curl your hair.

Three things you want to do really badly right now: eat Twizzlers, listen to music, write ... wait, I'm already doing that. If I wanted to do something else, I wouldn't be sitting here.

Three things that scare you: drunks, angry people and I'm not telling you the third one.

Three of your everyday essentials: Thinking about my son. Making the bed. Pepsi. In that order.

Three careers you have considered/are considering: I have, in fact, done them all. Unless you count Miss America, Nobel Prize Winner for Literature or Secretary of State.

Three places you want to go on vacation: Tahiti, Paris, Alaska. That was a straight answer, don't ask why.

Three kids' names you like: Dude, Puppy, Chica.

Three ways you are stereotypically a boy: I love baseball. I won't drink beer out of a glass. And I drive fast. I mean Really fast. Oh, and I hate to cook. So that's four, big deal, what boy ever followed directions?

Three ways you are stereotypically a girl: I eat like one. I walk like one. I don't get a headache from shopping.

Three celeb crushes: Paul Newman, Aaron Sorkin, David Ducovney (used to be Jerry Orbach too -- RIP). Note: the only celeb with big lips I can even stand to look at is Mick, and at least his are real.

Three things you want to do before you die: publish the damn book already, become a cool grandmother (not for a while yet, OKAY), live to see a cure for Cancer and Republicans.